Inviting Life to Happen, As Is

By Shruthi Iyer (Sabbatical from 1st November 2024 to 24th January 2025)

“To take a sabbath is a radical act, an act of countercultural courage and resistance” ~Maria Popova ​https://open.spotify.com/track/4GQ2SQDXKdBDE8TAQ69jS1?si=6ab3c17f1b804ef9 

Some songs evoke powerful memories. During my sabbatical, on one of my Spotify shuffles, I heard this song, and it stayed with me - to the irritation of everyone around me - through my sabbatical! I must have heard it at least 100 times over 3 months. Every word of this song has come to represent a different way of being. It’s befitting, dear reader, that this song plays in the background as you read this! 

I did mundane things during my sabbatical - cooking, cleaning, managing a home and finances, and resting - basically adulting 2.0 stuff. I did not travel or engage in social activities. A friend said I took cocooning too seriously! I went for a 11-day Vipassana course at the start of the break. This was my first time, and a spectacular experience. My learnings from it would take its own post! I slept well, 8-hours of deep sleep and rest. I woke up each morning filled with joy - like I was the lead role in a (sometimes toxic!) Disney movie. It also helped that it was the peak holiday season around the world - the world seemed to be celebrating with me. 

I painted (something I have been meaning to do for a while!), learnt swimming, and a little badminton. And I worked on family relationships - especially my marriage. I learnt how to use Notion to keep my life more organised (I geeked out to my heart’s content!). I dabbled in creating an AI agent (Assistant for filling grants!) - but I never got to finish it. When I was in the pool trying to swim or playing with Notion, I got back to learning as an adult (I can write a whole other piece about this!). I had forgotten what it was like to finish a nice long book. The feeling of a first date with someone who has planned everything - that’s a good book. And I got through a few of them. I felt special and taken care of well - and came back feeling more connected to our world. 

And in the middle of these mundane activities, life happened. As Amor Towles says, “Life does not proceed by leaps and bounds. It unfolds. At any given moment, it is the manifestation of a thousand transitions.” I noticed my life unfolding. Vishal told me that the answers to your big questions will come, not when you think about it, but when you are in a state of flow and thinking in the background. While doing things that brought me joy - like cleaning, cooking, painting and reading, I allowed myself to take risks, make mistakes and space for emergence got created. 

Patriarchy and Masala Dabbas: Post our overdue deep cleaning, we were putting the vessels back when K asked if we could do something different in how we set up the kitchen. The song continues to play in the background. K has a good sense of design. But this has always been something I did. Like my mum before me. And her mom before her. I have a theory that most women from a family set up kitchens alike! It’s not that I am attached to the arrangement, but K moving things around would mean I give up a certain way of being. Letting go of how I have always done things. As I reflected more about our roles - if I want K to fully share the mental load (which I keep pushing for!), I need to share ownership too. Which is also me letting go. Right. Honestly, together we did a good job arranging the kitchen. I am proud of it. At least, our masala dabbas look great. Maybe there’s a life lesson for me here! 

Go Marie Condo on insecurities - I am a sucker for any keepsakes. Some of these keepsakes I have carefully stored over decades are also testimony of broken relationships, scarcity, and beliefs and feelings that don’t serve me anymore. It brought anxiety and shame. Without a second glance, I purged all of them. The act of physically purging them was in some way a healing. It was acknowledging a lot of grief. Grieving all the people I could not be because of what I thought about myself. Go Marie Condo! Purge everything that doesn’t spark joy. 

What are the big rocks? - We have heard the story in time-management about many big rocks, small rocks, sand and coffee to be fit into a jar. I always thought my time management was an issue. One of the books I read, Four Thousand Weeks, talks about how there are too many big rocks and sometimes all of them will really never fit into the jar. It came down to asking myself - what are my big rocks? What gifts of mine do I want to flourish if I only have these big rocks? And it was clear - Community, Physical health, Leadership (impact) and Creativity are my big rocks. Anything outside of it does not fit into my jar at this point in time. This greatly simplified life! I am off the hamster wheel. 

Me doing what would make maximum impact (CEO JD) - I also got a lot of time to redo my CV. I broke this down into what I am good at, what the org needs and what would work in the sector. This has been super meaningful for me as I am able to be more strategic. It's been a privilege to be able to do this work - to receive the flow. There’s a whirling Dervish on my desk to remind me of this. I am only a channel for the work, doing the task, and playing a role without ego. And my objective is to maximise these states of flow.

I have done multiple Fellowships and leadership programs which have each given me a community, exposure into the sector, ideas, frameworks - and those I will forever cherish. But the Cocoon initiative has made me a better person to be able to use all of this well. I show up differently. I am not afraid to have honest conversation, to show care, be fair and be more playful in my work. I have become more risk taking. I am thinking of a happier, healthier world - and I know it’s possible. As an org, we are rethinking scale and impact to figure out what is the actual, deeper systemic problem we want to solve. And we are not afraid to play the long game. I am also mindful of my team members to not burn in this process. My word for the year is intention. 

I only have gratitude that I could take this time off and for the friends, family and team who stayed along this journey. I hope to allow this privilege to many on my team and keep this kindness in my heart. I did not do everything that I had planned to - learning Malayalam, learning to cook an Onam Sadhya, or becoming super healthy! But my sabbatical helped me slow down. Slowing down is feeling in the body, that words do not do justice to. The Cocoon process is perfect - the right amount of conversation and planning, and the freedom to throw the plans out. Above all, the permission to rest! 

​It's been 8 weeks since I came out of sabbatical. And I am deep into work. The fear that it’s going to go back to being the same as it was pre-sabbatical creeps up often. And when it does, I listen to the song that I heard on loop during my sabbatical. A warm glow presents itself deep inside of me. My teeth unclench, my shoulders loosen, and I see the churn of anxiety in my stomach. I have a bunch of book recommendations for those who are planning to take this sabbatical. Apart from that, it’s really each one’s journey. And all we can do is witness it with all our hearts.