The Joy of Being Available for Family

By Sumitra Mishra (Sabbatical from 1st June 2024 to 31st August 2024)

What did you do during your sabbatical / How did you spend your time during your sabbatical?

I did many things during my sabbatical. Yet I did practically nothing during the same period. I immersed myself in a one of its kind experiences – what it feels to slow down, indulge myself to do things that I want to do for myself, and not feel guilty or stretched about it. I did write in more details about my list of five things I did during the sabbatical here.

What questions /reflections emerged during your sabbatical?

The predominant thought that stayed with me during the sabbatical was this: I am done proving things to myself now. I push myself too hard, both personal and professional levels, because I am constantly chiding my inner self that I am not doing enough. People around me don’t think that I don’t do enough, that what I do is not enough. I realized that for too long, I have been my worst critic. Not in a healthy way. I have harboured fear of losing out, of not shining bright enough, of not making the best use of my life.

Maybe there are deep rooted childhood issues, life experiences in young adulthood that have stayed with me. But the sabbatical was a time to tell myself (actually quite assertively) that I am good enough for myself. I am good for the rest of the world. Starting with the people who matter the most – my family.

Giving love to others begins with loving myself the most abundantly. It brings peace to me. I am constantly reminding this to myself.

The small-town girl who has had to work at proving herself from early years, through many life milestones, to make herself count, is gleefully embracing herself in her 50s….

By the way, personal is professional. It’s all an inexplicable and intricate web.

What memory has stayed with you from your sabbatical?

A ton of memories continue to remain in my consciousness. That afternoon lunch during a working day with a gaggle of school friends – priceless. The regular trips to the local nursery trying to revive my plants after a merciless summer this year, because I had the time to do it, anytime of the day. Occasional naps in the afternoon…gosh, I realized that I have lost that childhood habit! My aunts giving me pocket money when I visited them in Odisha – that I can never be old enough for them to give me ‘affection-tips’!

The maniac preps for my daughter’s wedding. The exasperating trips to check out designer trousseau. But in the end, the delightful fulfilment of being present mind and body, with her and the rest of the family, during the prep weeks.

The enduring memory I carry is the lightness in my heart – that I am happy (or sad) in my now. That I am not having to juggle.

What did you struggle with during your sabbatical?

Actually, after the initial week or so of slowing myself down without a daily routine, it is surprising how easily I slipped into the daily day drawing out. It needed some work to tell myself that I have nothing pending niggling me, because I have stitched up things at work. And those that were pending are taken up by very capable colleagues.

It was also easy to spend time with my family – did not really struggle to pick conversations or jump into people’s lives (at home). I guess, being at peace with yourself has a rippling effect.

There was a wedding in the family that got delayed due to a medical emergency in the family. That meant that I wasn’t just chilling and reflecting. I was on my toes for a few weeks, fully alert, taking decisions, managing home and hospital, standing with families. The switch off button got deactivated. Soon after I joined back work. Did I struggle because of this – perhaps I have a regret that I did not take that promised solo vacation. The flip side is – I stood with people I care for at one of their worst times, because I was simply around. I will take that solo vacation before my sabbatical anniversary. That’s a promise to myself.

Any insights or learnings from your sabbatical that you plan to implement in your work / personal life?

It’s simple. Do less. Don’t feel compelled to take every decision. At home. At work. Pick things that you want to do for yourself. Reimagine a new role at work. And such things. Nothing profound, I am afraid. I am telling myself not to forget that there was a really good reason why I needed that sabbatical. It has done me a ton of good. How can I help others around me experience a similar life event. Not by preaching. But by demonstrating – calmer, reflective, chilled out, peaceful actions.

Do you feel a sense of rest and wellbeing post your sabbatical? If yes, in what way and if not, what was missed?

As above. To add: The sabbatical was an opportunity for me to focus on my overall health. I had the time, mind space and the resources to take care of my niggling health issues – from dental to diabetes. Beyond the health conditions, just knowing that I continued to receive my salary through this period gave me a sense of balance. I did not have to worry about money. Which has been a big reason, I have never stopped working, since I started my professional life almost 30 years ago. And this meant a huge relief for me.

How did your colleagues and family feel about your sabbatical?

My family was happy that I was taking a break. That I was not stressed about the everyday work issues. That I had earned this sabbatical on my own merit – having worked hard for many years. Also, because Mobile Creches was fully supportive of my sabbatical. That meant a recognition of my contributions. My partner was most happy simply because I was more around. With him. For us to do things together. Even if that meant the excitement and busy tasks leading to the wedding preparations. Or that we were dealing with the medical emergency as a team. My house-help who has been a family member over 10 years felt that it ended too soon. That she never really saw me staying home doing nothing. And I never went grocery shopping with her! That’s the real test for her – am I free enough to really get into running the household if I am not working!

At work though, things have gradually unfolded in a different way. The team did a fabulous job of moving the ship forward, in the right direction. But it has taken a toll on the senior team, more on some than others. The general feedback is that it worked for 3 months. Because there was a finite period after which I will return. The wait for me wasn’t so much on the external impact led work. It was more internal – the team dynamics, the inter-personal relationships, the recognition of assertive leadership needed. Most importantly, the ability to take decisions. Sometimes decisions that weren’t popular.

My sense after three months since my return is that I am not irreplaceable. The team is extremely capable to keep the organization running. But the tricky piece is the balance between keeping things running, while seeing beyond the horizon. And that is where the team did not always see the same things in a similar way. The sabbatical was a good test to the org systems. My focus areas are better informed now.

Any feedback / areas of improvement to The Cocoon Initiative about the process?

There are many lessons from the Cocoon Initiative. Two things that stand out for me – first, the expectation to really do nothing; second – covering salary costs through the bursary. If this can continue as the Initiative matures and scales, it will mean a lot to many more people.

There is value in moving individual experiences such as mine into a collective movement for the sector. More platforms can help build the nascent narrative about wellbeing to actions such as a sabbatical. Get organizations to commit to policies, funders to recognize this as a part of their grant making principles, leaders to factor mindfulness into their job roles for self and others.

I have really enjoyed the light-touch process. I hope I will be able to incorporate my lessons from this into organizational systems that will be practical and sustained.

What advice would your offer to anyone else planning to take a sabbatical?

​Letting go is an attitude. It starts much before a decision/opportunity for a sabbatical. Think about how you are letting go of – decisions, power, reward, recognition, opportunities, time, advising, and so forth, on a day-to-day basis. A sabbatical comes as an opportunity to test yourself more than your team or organization.